James's blog

Whew. Been a hot minute.

So. This year's kinda fuckin' crazy, huh?

I was really looking forward to making this year the one where I turn everything around! And in a way, I kind of managed to do that?

I got eye surgery (and it's healing well!), so now I can actually see what my instructor is doing in class. Hell, I started taking boxing classes. And I got diagnosed with ADHD, so that explains...a lot! Seems being in your 20s is where you really start learning more about yourself!

For example, I've learned that I struggle to stay motivated when I have nothing to lose. Like most of you, my gym (and my boxing gym) have been closed down for a while. This led to, unfortunately, a lack of drive to exercise! I live in a VERY small apartment with no workout equipment, so I was definitely (and shamefully) lazy for a good month after the quarantine kicked off up here.

I couldn't stand it. So my buddy held an ultimatum: Work out 3 days a week, or he's not gonna give me a fight when I visit him next. Obviously this worked, because I'm so fuckin' thirsty for a fight, and I hate disappointing people, so I HAD to get to working out. He gave me a cool conditioning workout, and that's been kicking my ass for about a month now.

Still, it's...a little disappointing to learn that about myself. I love boxing, I love fighting, and I don't know if it's just quarantine depression setting in, or a feeling that I can't learn without a group setting, but it was very unsettling to learn how easily I'll get knocked down. But that's not enough to make me stay down, not even close. I think I just needed to see how much I could do with nothing at my fingertips. I've never had to do that from nothing before, so I'm counting it all as part of the learning experience.

I wanna get back in the ring so, so fuckin' bad, y'all. I'm definitely not the first to say that this situation sucks. But I'm not leaving the safety of my apartment to potentially catch a deadly virus just to get my kicks. I love boxing but it's not worth risking the chance to never box again, hah.

Still, I've got a lot to be fighting for. I want to prove that I'm stronger than whatever bullshit is plaguing me right now. I've definitely got a lot of emotional issues going on right now, and life is pretty fuckin' scary when you've got anxiety like mine. I've got the fighting spirit, just need to power through and come out on top. And even if I don't, I at least have to power through. Otherwise there's no point in living.

When this is all over, I've got, like, 5 free months of BJJ, Judo, and MMA classes at my gym (I kept paying through the gym closure so they added that as a bonus) and you bet your ass I'm taking those classes. Boxing still feels right for me (and my ADHD-rattled brain), but wrestlign is never bad to know. And it's hot as fuck. So.

It's been a rough few months, fellas. Life's kind of been kicking my ass. But I can either submit to the bullshit or keep my gloves up and pray for the bell. And I'm no fuckin' quitter.

Stay safe. Gloves up. And wear a fucking mask.

Hey! Checking back in again.

Knee pain is still ongoing but much, much less intense. It's only there if I do a lot of walking. which is nice! I went out and bought a knee brace, and that's been helping a lot. Gonna be looking into an ankle brace as well, as that's been acting up too. Doctor said I have mild tendinitis in both my knee and ankle, so I'm making sure to take good care of those joints. It's important to keep them in line without straining em too much.

In the meantime, I went and got PRK surgery! The difference between PRK and LASIK is that LASIK creates a flap in the eye to correct it, whereas PRK completely removes the top two layers of the cornea to correct my vision. LASIK is faster and easier, but if I take a bad hit in the ring, that flap is opening back up. Which means more surgery. PRK is more painful and has a longer recovery, but there's less risk of my eye getting FUBAR in the ring. As I'm tryping this, I can only barely read what I'm writing. Full vision is expected to be back by early April.

It's been...hard...to go 3 weeks without boxing or intense exercise. Next week will be 4. Luckily, my LASIK consultant (who is also a boxer) said I'm good to go back to the gym next week! So I'm really looking forward to that! I've got a big ol headguard, mouthguard, and sweatband to make sure my entire head is protected. Even then, I'll probably stay away from sparring for the first month or so until my eyes are fully recovered. I'm careful. And anxious.

I'm back at work, now. My eyes are recovering, and everything at work is on fire, so I'm trying to hang in there. I'm so, so excited to get back to boxing next week. I promise to take it slow, but sometimes you just gotta stand and bang, right? See you in the ring, guys!

Boxing classes. Are going great.

Like I said last time, I've really been enjoying these classes. My classmates are really sweet, my coach was fantastic, and everything is just, perfect.

And then my knee got fuckt.

Seriously, I'm not sure what happened. I may have not been using the right posture, or I may have been putting too much pressure on it, but one way or another, my right knee has just been in agony for the last two weeks. It got to the point where when my sparring partner started circling left, I staggered and collapsed. I legitimately could not put weight on my right knee to the point where doing so caused me to fall over.

Of course, I'm okay. My partner immediately had me lie down and massaged my thigh/calf/ankle, coach got me some ice and sat with me as my classmates continued to spar. I can walk on it semi-fine, but I do end up limping whenever I move too quickly with it. And I'm...kind of nervous about all this.

My buddy that's been boxing/fighting for 12+ years spoke with me about his concern for my wellbeing. He's excited and happy about my passion for the classes, but in his words, my body is clearly trying to tell me something: it's not ready. Not yet. This is further shown by my current back pain and my recent issues with fatigue and dehydration.

So I've still got some ramping up to do. I took the last class off and, while there is a class tomorrow, I'm hesitant to return just yet. I struggled making my way down the stairs to the laundry room in my apartment. How can I expect myself to be in any shape to perform well in boxing class when I can't even make it around my building without wibbling and wobbling?

I want to go. I want to go back and get stronger and learn more and grow into the best version of myself, but I don't think I should like this. But then I'm spending money on...essentially nothing.

Later this week, I'm going to be getting laser eye surgery. PRK, to be exact, as LASIK would be a bad idea for someone who likes to box. PRK is effective, where they essentially shave off the top two layers of my cornea, correct the 3rd layer, and then bandage my eyes up. It's much less painful than it sounds, but the recovery is...god-awful. Essentially, I can't use screens, read books, or exercise for 2 days post-surgery. The exercise bit goes on for longer, because getting sweat in my eyes is a biiiig no-no.

Which means even -more- time away from the gym.

Now, this could be a good thing. Gives my leg and back more time to heal. But at the same time, I just don't want to lose this vibe I have. I thought I was getting in a good rhythm. I thought I could finally keep this up. 2-3 hour-long classes a week. I could do this for a while, it feels good to get exhausted and work out and finally get closer to feeling good about myself.

I don't want to have to take a break from this for 2-3 weeks. I don't want to have to take my classes slower. What's the point of going to these classes if I don't leave every ounce of myself on the mats?

So, yeah. I'm frustrated. But physically exhausted. Pray for me, or wish me luck, because these next weeks are going to be very trying for me.

Thank you for reading, and I wish you all the best.

Alright so. I don't normally write a blog or update a journal or anything. So this is gonna be new to me. Let's see if I can update this periodically.

I recently decided to bite the bullet and start training at a boxing gym. This is something I've been wanting to do for years and years now, so this is pretty exciting. I found a place within walking distance that's cheap and effective, so it all pretty much works out solid. I'm ecstatic!

My coach's name is Vinnie, but he's leaving in a week for another gym closer to his home, so we'll be getting a new one in a few weeks time. He's really, really cool, and I'm kind of nervous that the new one (head coach at a more well-known gym) might not be as easy on beginners? Not that I want people to go easy on me! Just want to make sure his expectations are where they need to be. I'm sure I shouldn't be worried.

My classmates are awesome. I can hardly remember their names, partly because we met when I was sweating buckets, but also partly because my memory is shit for names and faces. Still, the more experienced ones said I'm doing really well for a beginner. They said I move fast and hit hard, which I'm actually kind of proud of.

We worked on parries today, which is kind of difficult when all of my sparring partners (sans one who's like 6'5") are shorter than me. I can just step out of their range. But I need to actually parry to practice for a real bout. I feel like I anticipate more than I react. I have better reaction speed than most, so I think I just need more experience so I don't guess wrong and eat a hook.

I'm loving every bit of this. I had to drop late into some ab exercises, but only because I worked myself to exhaustion. I'm proud of being able to keep up with the folks that have had 2+ years of experience for almost the whole hour. Hopefully I'll be up in fighting shape by March, I'm heading out to Toronto and hope to see some men there.

Gloves up, men. I'm out for blood.